The Gymnasium

Back when Socrates was asking more questions than Paris Hilton at a lecture on Shiny Objects, Greek culture stumbled upon a new phenomenon called "Leisure Time." This was around 400 BC during the Persian era when the Greeks were producing new technology to make life better, such as coins and road systems. These new economic and transportation developments saved time and helped get them out of the Iron Age, where the average citizen did not have the time to contemplate life because they were too busy running from the enormous bear or lion that was trying to eat the deer they just spent 5 hours hunting. So the Greeks could now concentrate on other activities besides fighting for their survival, and they started devoting time to the health of mind and body. They started asking the tough questions like, "Why are we here?", "What counts as 'knowledge'?", and "Did Adam and Eve have belly-buttons?" Hence the popularization of the Humanities including philosophy, literature and drama, the fine arts, and architecture.
At the same time, the Olympics had been going on for a number of years, and with it came an interest in physical fitness. As more and more people had Leisure Time, more and more people gained an interest in naked fitness. Unlike myself, they did not see fitness as an activity that requires clothing. The word "gymnasium" comes from the Greek word, "gumnos" meaning "naked", which then produced the verb "gumnazo" which means (I'm not making this up) "to exercise naked."
This horrible tradition continues in gyms today. Americans have more Leisure Time than any other culture in history, and also choose to spend it cultivating the Humanities and athletics (or a Sudoku). I go to a gym at varying rates of regularity, but do not consider myself a "gym guy." Gyms are very weird places, and there are not a lot of other places that compare on the weirdness level. And it starts in the parking lot. I have driven into the gym parking lot and found a car with its blinker on waiting for a parking spot that is 20 yards closer than the one I park in. This person would rather wait in their car than walk the extra 20 yards...before exercising. And this happens on nice spring days while other people are taking walks in the park just to be outside.
The entrance to the gym is set up so that everyone who is working out can see you when you enter, and judge you accordingly. When I walk in I fully expect the lights to go down and a giant spotlight to shine on me while a guy with a microphone describes what I'm wearing, my weight, and my body type. Everyone turns to see if the person just walking in is the person they are imagining themselves with while working out. There's a lot of disappointment at the gym.
Much like bars and clubs, there are types of people who go to the gym, all of whom choose to spend a good bit of their modern Leisure Time getting fit, or at least pretending to get fit. The most obvious type is the guy with the spaghetti strap wife beater who is always there when you are there, no matter what time you go. His bed is located at Hollywood Tans. There is the butch woman with short hair and big arms who probably should have been born a man, and is bitter about this twisted fate. The middle-aged creepy guy is definitely there, and so is the Guy Who Somehow Knows Every Single Person at the Gym. There's the mom/divorcee who still thinks her body is in its junior year of college, but it is most definitely not. Then there are the attractive 20-somethings, and other, better groups you can probably think of.
But back to the naked thing, which is the "horrible" part of the horrible gym tradition. I have never been in a women's locker room, despite what I might tell you in casual conversation, so I can't say much about that, but I imagine there are some parallels between the two genders. A men's locker room is a freak show. After working out, I walk in and will always find a guy toweling off naked. It appears as if he is auditioning for a naked Zest commercial, and has chosen the locker one over from mine as his prime spot. I'm not sure what went on in gyms 20-30 years ago, but middle-aged-to-old men are under the impression that nakedness is required in the locker room. I'm not hyper about it, but if you asked me, "If you were in a situation where you were forced to look at men, would you prefer looking at dressed men or naked men?", I would go with "dressed." Baby boomers would apparently answer differently.
But I guess we're heading in the right direction. Gyms are now mostly co-ed. I can't (and never would) imagine going to a gym where all the male members (no pun intended) worked out in the buff. Forget towels, the equipment would have to be steam-cleaned after every use. Which leads me to my real question: Whatever happened to those hilarious "Co-ed naked" shirts?

Addendum - "The Gymnasium" Part Two: 'Stretching Is Not An Ethical Issue'

I usually go in the sauna after I work out to loosen up, and lately I've been hearing the most ridiculous conversations. First, I am usually not in the mood to carry on lengthy conversations with strangers of the same gender when all parties are barely clothed. Second, the conversations are usually about something I could not care less about, and are usually complaints about something. This is because some people think that if you complain about something it automatically creates common ground between you and them; it's supposedly something you both can relate to.
Recently there have been a surprising number of people who have been campaigning for stretching. It's not enough that they point out how important it is for themselves to stretch, they need to see other people stretch too, and when they don't see it they shake their heads in disappointment. I'm all for stretching, but I really don't care if others stretch or not; they're not my muscles. Honestly, stretch away gym-goers, but please don't attach any kind of ethics to the act or lack of stretching.